


Dear Finny

by Mintoki



Category: A Separate Peace - John Knowles
Genre: (like Gene thinks about it and worries about it), Fluff, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, idk fam it ends well and I tried to be cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 13:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16724079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mintoki/pseuds/Mintoki
Summary: "As Gene opens his desk drawer and places the newest piece of parchment in, he can’t help but wonder when this habit of his began."





	Dear Finny

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a short one-shot, like 1k words max and then it turned into twice that length so uhhhh enjoy?
> 
> Also this is 100% unbetad and barely edited since it's almost 1 AM (idk why I only post late at night it seems) but yeah hmu if there are any huge errors. 
> 
> I took the prompt of Gene writing love letters from https://deadjihuam.tumblr.com/post/178758032058/cute-asp-prompts-genefinny so thank you for that :)
> 
> Hope ya'll enjoy!

As Gene opens his desk drawer and places the newest piece of parchment in, he can’t help but wonder when this habit of his began.

Over the past couple months, more than a dozen notes have found themselves in the middle drawer of his writing desk. Some are untouched, still as crisp as the day they were written, some have been folded neatly into thirds, ready to be placed into an envelope—though none have quite made it to that stage—and still others are crumpled into tight balls, deemed unworthy to send but still special enough not to toss in the trash. Gene hasn’t thrown a single of his letters away since he’s started, and he has a feeling that will persist in the future as well.

He knows that these letters will never, _can_ never, see the light of day, but some part of him refuses to allow his hard work to be completely wasted. This would be fine if he could _just stop writing the damn things_.

The style and flow of each note he has written vary immensely. Some of them—often the ones that end up balled up—are so cheesy that Gene can’t comprehend the fact that he was the one who wrote them while others are crafted as though they were an essay he was going to be turning in for grading. Hell, he even wrote one in French once once for no discernible reason. If anything, that would be the one he would give to the intended recipient, just for the simple fact the boy had always been horrible at foreign languages.

Yes. Boy. And not just any boy at that. Gene spent his time writing sappy love letters to Devon’s top athlete and golden child, Phineas “Finny” Pell.

The thought alone used to keep Gene awake at night, staring at the ceiling or the boy softly snoring across the room. It took him a while to come to terms with it, but there was no denying it: Gene had a huge crush on his roommate.

Not that he could ever admit it though. Besides the object of his affection being another boy... Finny was Finny and Gene was just, well, Gene. Anywhere Finny went, light and happiness followed while Gene could only conjure up sincere cynicism.

And so for those reasons each of Gene’s notes would have to be content with spending eternity in his desk drawer. Or at least the rest of the school year.

Gene closes the drawer and reaches for another sheet of paper. As he begins writing though, he realizes that the Trigonometry problem he should be copying has instead turned into another “Dear Finny”. He sighs and reluctantly allows his brain to take over and finish the draft of the purposeless letter.

_Dear Finny,_

_Your smile is the sun. It warms me up and lights up my world even on the darkest of days. Some people say that when something becomes common, it loses all effectiveness but whoever says that certainly hasn’t met you. You laugh and smile and joke all the time, but I still feel as I did the first time I saw you the day we met._

_Even back then I knew you were special, I just didn’t know how much. I have never felt this way about another person and it’s hard to imagine I ever will. Sometimes I think about the rest of our life and how it would be if we could go through it together. It seems impossible, but with you and for you I would be willing to risk it all._

_Gene_

He never knows how to finish his letter. Neither “Sincerely” nor “Your Friend” really fit with the rest of the letter, but Gene absolutely refused to write the word “Love” before his signature. No matter how sappy the body portion of the message was, he just couldn’t find it within himself.

As his eyes skim over the, admittedly short, letter he can’t help the flood of embarrassment from hitting him all at once. He quickly crumples the paper and shoves it in with the rest of his stash. He can’t believe that _this_ is what he’s been reduced to, something more akin to a twelve-year old girl back home than a boy who is top of his class.

With a quick shake of his head and renewed vigor, Gene grabs another paper to begin on his Trigonometry, hoping it would be less complicated that his current predicament.

 

* * *

 

“Hey buddy, I’m home!” Finny calls out, slamming the door behind him. He’s disappointed, but not surprised, when he realizes that his roommate is out at the moment. He’s probably either at the library or having a study session with Chet Douglas. Gene may want to beat out the other boy, but he definitely won’t say no to any help that he’s offered.

Finny is just about to kick his shoes off and flop onto the bed closest to the door, when he notices something curious. One of Gene’s desk drawers is partially open and some paper is sticking out of it. While the other boy isn’t a complete neat freak—the various blazers, dress shirts, and ties hanging on the back of chairs and on his bed frame can attest to this—he always keeps his desk as spick and span as possible. He claims that keeping his desk empty contributes to his ability to concentrate and that Finny himself should try it. The blond glances over at his disaster of a desk and briefly considers the advice before dismissing it once again. He’s gotten this far in his academic career, changing anything now would throw off his groove.

Back to the object at hand, Finny is undeniably curious what Gene has shoved into his drawer. He knows he shouldn’t pry, but his burning interest outweighs his morals in this situation. Besides, it’s his room too so doesn’t he technically have as much of a right to whatever’s in this desk as Gene does?

Without a second thought, Finny opens the drawer and is met with a cluster of papers. He grabs the first scrunched up ball he sees, smooths it out, and starts reading. Much to his surprise, the very first line of it reads “Dear Finny”.

This letter is for him? Finny quickly paws through the rest of the drawer and from what he can tell it seems that all of the letters are addressed to him. One even says “Cher Finny” and is completely in French.

Part of Phineas’s brain tells him that he should leave all the letters in the drawer and forget about them, after all there’s a reason Gene hasn’t given any to him yet. Maybe he could just subtly hint at them and hope that one would appear on his desk one day. However, a larger portion argues that since they’re addressed to him and he now knows of their existence he should read them. Besides, he doesn’t think he can trust himself to not badger Gene about them the second he walks through the door if he didn’t read them himself.

With that settled, Finny dusts off his French to English dictionary and gets to work.

 

* * *

 

Gene’s fairly good mood from a productive study session is killed almost as soon as he arrives in his room. There, on his bed, is Finny, exhibiting more concentration than Gene’s ever seen before. What’s more worrisome though is the fact that his desk drawer is open and its contents are the subject of Finny’s scrutiny.

Gene doesn’t know what to say or if he should even say something at all. Phineas hasn’t noticed his entrance yet, too engrossed in cross referencing one of the letters to the book in his lap. He could just slip out of the room and pretend that nothing happened, avoid the confrontation all together.

Except it wouldn’t help the fact that _Finny read the letters_. No matter what he does he’s going to have to face the music sooner or later. Gosh, he should have thrown those letters away when he got the chance. Now everything would change and it would be all his fault. Even if Finny didn’t hate him, didn’t insist on switching rooms with someone else, things would still be awkward. Simple things like Blitzball or going for a dip in the pool would be overcome with tension. Somehow that’d probably be worse than outright resentment.

Unwittingly, Gene sucks in a large, steadying breath, loud enough to cause the room’s other occupant to look up from his work. For the first couple seconds his expression remains neutral before he jumps from the bed, finally seeming to comprehend the fact that his roommate has returned.

“Gene-!”

“What were you doing looking through my things?” It’s impossible for Gene to keep the slight quiver out of his voice. As Finny hurries towards him he instinctively takes a step back.

“Listen pal, I didn’t mean to, honest! But I really couldn’t help myself and when I saw that the letters were addressed to me I _had_ to read them y’know? I’m really sorry I shouldn’t have.” Gene can’t help the small shakes the seem to have taken control of his hands, instead hoping that balling his fists will make the tremors less noticeable.

Though he decided against fleeing before, Gene’s natural instinct takes over as he turns his body and reaches for the door. He has it slightly open before he registers an arm, reaching around his body and grabbing for the knob as well. Finny’s hand rests on top of his as he, as gently as possible, attempts to close the door.

“Gene, please don’t run away. We need to talk about this.” It’s the sincerity in Phineas’s voice which ultimately causes the boy’s hand to fall away from the door. Finny swiftly clutches that same hand and, with surprising gentleness, pushes the door shut.

The ball of dread continues to build as Finny leads him to the edge of his bed and urges him to take a seat next to him. The good news is Finny is still holding his hand, meaning he’s not completely disgusted by the notes he’s read. Gene still isn’t expecting much though.

“Did you mean what you wrote in those letters, Gene?” He cuts right to the chase, not allowing any wiggle room. Though it’s not like Gene would be able to lie to the boy next to him. Finny is and probably always would be his greatest weakness.

Rather than try and force words out, all Gene can do is nod. The silence that falls over the room is deafening, but even worse is the feeling of Finny pulling his fingers from the ones he was interlaced with. Gene swears that his heart stops at that very moment and digs his fingernails into the palm of his hand as a distraction.

’ _Calm down, Gene. You’re okay. This isn’t the end of the world. You’re okay. You’re fine. Just focus on breathing. In and out. There you go, just focus on that and_ not _the fact that Finny probably thinks you’re gross and weird and-’_

Without warning, a hand rests itself on his cheek and gently turns his face toward Finny’s. Unexpectedly, Finny’s face is beaming at him with a smile larger than Gene’s ever seen before.

“You don’t know how happy I am to hear that.” Finny envelops Gene in a hug but it’s somehow different from any that the two have shared before. Finny’s cheek rests against Gene’s for a few seconds before he lets go and returns to his original position.

“Finny, aren’t-“ He swallows down the nervousness creeping up in his voice. “I don’t understand. You should be-“

“Ah, don’t even finish that sentence! I think at this point we both know that I’m the only one who decides what I’m going to do. There are no ‘should be’s in my book!” Finny’s tone is light and jovial, but the seriousness of the subject matter is still evident.

“So you don’t mind... this?” Gene weakly gestures to the papers still spread across the bed spread.

“Can I be honest, Gene? I’m... kind of glad that I found these. I mean I’m sorry that I looked through your things! That was kind of an awful thing to do but reading all these letters gave me the courage to do something I should have done a long time ago.”

The apology is shocking in its own right; Finny’s probably never apologized so sincerely in his life. But him lacking courage? That didn’t seem possible at all. The other boy expresses as much.

“To do what?”

“This.” And without a moment’s hesitation, Finny places his hand on his roommate’s neck and places his lips on his.

The kiss is only a few seconds long with little to no movement on either party’s part, but as Finny pulls away he begins smiling. Heat rushes up Gene’s neck as he processes what just happened. Slowly a smile works its way onto his face as well.

“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you.” Gene lightly punches Finny’s arm.

“Me? Hey who’s the one who was writing me love letters about how _gorgeous_ and _amazing_ I am?”

“In my defense, I didn’t intend for you to read them.”

“Obviously! I mean really Gene? French? You know I can barely understand that right?” Finny reaches over and grabs the French to English dictionary from the bed. “I had to pull this thing out just to know what, like, half of the words meant. I didn’t even get to finish reading it!”

“Hey, it’s not my fault you never study.” A small smirk plants itself on Gene’s face, his eyes lighting up with an idea. “Actually maybe I’ll just write all my notes in French now.”

“You wouldn’t!”

“I would and I could.” Gene flops back on the bed. “Yup it’s decided.”

Suddenly, the weight of the dictionary is dropped on Gene’s stomach. It doesn’t hurt per se but it definitely startles him.

“Guess you’ll just have to be fine with writing to no one then because I won’t read them. I’ve got enough English notes from you already to last a life-time.”

“Okay okay, you win. Any future notes I write will be in English.”

“Great!” Content with his victory, Phineas flops down next to his roommate. “Oh, and one other condition!”

“What would that be?”

“Any future love letters should be delivered directly to me! I don’t want to see that you’ve been hoarding them in your desk drawers ever again.”

“Hmmm I’ll accept... with one condition of my own.” Gene flips to face the other boy. “I think I’d like to see a note or two on my pillow every once and a while too.”

“Deal!” Finny turns and flashes an a thousand watt smile at Gene. That smile alone is enough to make Gene thank every almighty being out there that possessed him to write and keep all those letters.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact about me: I once wrote a sappy love note in German to my friend who didn't understand the language so I could write whatever I wanted so that's where I drew my inspiration from
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment and kudos if you feel so inclined and also check out my incorrect A Separate Peace blog on tumblr if you're into that sort of thing 
> 
> https://incorrect-asp.tumblr.com/


End file.
